When Desire Becomes a Cage

People who are both desired and torn down fear that if they stop meeting the standards that make them desirable, they will face the same consequences they have seen happen to those on the other side—the ones who are not desired.

 

I used to serve this system myself. I always felt very uncomfortable with my disability. I always thought that if I was kind to people, or if I spent time with friends who were not desired by the system, people would notice my difference. They would see my disability—and that scared me. Why? Because people would make remarks about why I wasn’t popular, why I was “better or smarter than my friends” who were not desired by the system, when in reality, I had been undesired myself—not by choice, but by circumstance.

 

It’s a trap. What I learned is that when you don’t serve the system, when you respect people who are ignored or overlooked, people often misread it. They think you don’t have a disability, that you are confident, that you are emotionally intelligent. And in that misreading, if you were following the system’s rules, people might actually think you lack emotional intelligence. Compliance makes you safe, but safety does not equal respect. It does not equal freedom.

 

I have walked with people who had visible disabilities, and I have felt the stares, the judgment, the awkwardness. My mother would remind me, “You don’t have to experience this every day; he does.” And I would just smile at people, wave, and keep moving. It’s complicated. The system constantly reminds you of your position, your limitations, your place in society. It can erode your self-esteem.

 

 

 

Freedom Through Awareness

 

But here’s the truth: the people who are not desired—they have learned survival. They have mastered navigation. They are strong in ways the system will never reward or see. Some may feel weak. Some may not appear capable. But they know how the world works. And they survive.

 

For me, everything shifted when I began serving God and accepting myself—my limits, my identity, my talents, my joy. When I stopped trying to fit the system’s mold, I could remember where I had been: undesired, overlooked, unseen. I remembered my sister standing up for me when she was desired and I was not. Those memories grounded me. They reminded me why I should always treat others with kindness, no matter their position in the system.

 

Why not share a bit of that privilege with the undesired? Why not give them a glimpse of normalcy, a moment of respect, a space to feel seen? From my experience, that small act—just a little kindness—warms the heart. The appreciation in their eyes, the soft gratitude—it is everything. And you lose nothing. You gain respect, trust, connection.

 

Because you do not know the life of the person you overlook. You do not know if their sister is powerful, if their friends are influential, if they themselves will rise to greatness. Maybe they will become a famous writer, a motivational speaker, a leader in their community. If you treat them badly now, you may be fueling their drive to prove you wrong, to show that you were wrong to dismiss them.

 

Kindness is a small risk, a small leap of faith. But it goes a long way. It changes the system, one interaction at a time. And it changes you. It liberates you from fear.

 

Because the truth about desire is brutal: the system rewards conformity and punishes deviation. People who are desired and torn down live in constant awareness of the consequences for those who are not. They act out of fear, sometimes cruelty, sometimes arrogance, sometimes mockery. It is a survival mechanism. But you do not have to survive that way. You do not have to hurt others to protect yourself.

I have learned that strength is not in conformity. Strength is in knowing yourself, in standing within your limits, in extending dignity to those who are denied it. That is freedom. That is power. That is grace.

 

So yes, desire can become a cage. It can make you act in ways that are not truly you. But there is a way out: awareness, self-acceptance, and a little courage to treat others as they deserve to be treated. That is where true respect begins. That is where the system loses its control. That is where kindness becomes revolutionary.