Selfhood
Discover the complexity of self-development with a touch of humor and an honest perspective. This page is a personal reflection on finding your own voice in a world full of advice and expectations. Don’t expect perfect answers — just an authentic search.
Having a bit of humor wonāt hurt
A little humor never hurts. Isn’t it difficult to write everything down and keep it going? If I overthink, am too loose, or too cautious, it becomes complete chaos. I seem able to allow myself horrible habits because I’m constantly processing so much information. People say one thing but mean another. Someone can be a good person and still have bad habits. Everything is the same, but different. And everything I write comes straight from my brain, messy or not. But I’ll get there. A little humor in life never hurts. Where’s my salary for dealing with the emotional gymnastics of dishonesty? But hey, who says I’m honest myself? Self-awareness means asking those questions. I don’t think most people try to be toxic; they’re just chasing the next dopamine hit, like the rest of us. So yes, that’s where I stand.
Spiritual teachings
You know those influencers who share spiritual advice that sounds amazing and helpful? It seems wise, but applying it in real life is difficult. Just as you start changing to get what you want, other people do the same. And I’ve realized something: giving advice can be harmful.
I used to love spiritual teachings. I thought they were helping me, but in the end I lost my voice. They disconnected me from my own inner wisdom. That’s why I try not to ask for advice anymore—not from GPT chats, not from other people. If I make a mistake, then I make a mistake. But at least I’m trying.
Sometimes it feels like I’m falling down a rabbit hole. You feel worse when you make a mistake—not because of what happened, but because you think, “I should have known better. I had the knowledge.” That’s what I’m working on now. Just doing my own thing. Letting it be.
Being an inconvenience
I was in a situation where a child didn’t want to go on a ride at an amusement park, and for some reason, I didn’t intervene. Somehow, I’ve learned not to be a burden – and neither should the people in front of me. But this is a pattern I’m done with. Because if “not being a burden” is the way I function, then I can’t protect myself from unpleasant or unsafe situations. I thought about doing some kind of rejection challenge, but instead of rejection, maybe I can do a “being a burden” challenge – to train myself to feel comfortable being a burden when it comes to protecting my boundaries. Maybe then I can experience the soulful, honest moments I’ve always wanted – with both men and women.
If you want, I can also make a slightly smoother, more natural English version that keeps the tone reflective and personal. Do you want me to do that?
The hard truth
Recently, I spoke with someone who helps me with my social media account. He told me about a girl—raped. And the boy? He got away with it. Because his father is a lawyer. Because they didn’t want to “ruin” the boy’s future. That story hit me like a slap in the face. It made me look around. At the people I know. At the places I go every day. At the unspoken rules we all pretend don’t exist. And the truth? If something were to happen to me… he might get away with it too. And my family? They might even defend him. And then what? I would go back to therapy. Again. Sitting there, trying to put myself back together. Again. And I don’t want that. Maybe what I really want isn’t justice. Or closure. Maybe what I really want is the freedom men don’t even realize they have. I want to be able to walk at night without flinching. I want to wear a short dress without having to justify myself. I want to go to a party and only have to worry about the music. I want to exist without being a target. What a dream that would be. But I can’t keep waiting for men to stand up for me. I can’t keep hoping that someone else will make me safe. I have to do it myself. I have to be the one. I have to find my own way. Even if it means being loud. Even if it means being difficult. Even if it means walking alone—until I’m not alone anymore.