How I Returned to Myself
Chasing thrills and fast connections isn’t responsible. It’s like going to a casino. You know there’s risk, but you still hope to win. But I didn’t use that metaphor when it came to love. I went in blindly—and paid the price. What I got was nervous system whiplash. That’s why grounding and stabilizing—even if it seems boring—is actually the beginning of becoming the coolest, most beautiful person you’re meant to be. I still have to remind myself of that.
And if you slip up, don’t be too hard on yourself. You’re not starting over. You’re building on what you’ve already learned. After a #MeToo moment, I often fall into analyzing everything. What did I do wrong? How did I attract this? What patterns live inside me? But that only overwhelms my nervous system even more.
Instead, I’m learning to care for myself. To remind myself: it’s not my fault. Well, everyone around me says it’s not. But I don’t always feel that way. Sometimes it feels like I’ve betrayed myself. Like I was so desperate, so stuck in a loop, so eager to escape my surroundings—that I ignored my instincts.
Because honestly? I felt it. I had a bad gut feeling. I even saw images. But I pushed them away, because I was attached to a fantasy. I pictured myself meeting students, drinks at 8 PM, laughing, belonging—finally being part of something. That desire overshadowed everything. And maybe that’s why I struggled to forgive myself. Because in moments like that, it’s really hard to make good choices. It takes discipline. Awareness. Self-trust. And sometimes… knowing how to turn awareness into action.
Importent lesson
Dit verhaal is niet voor iedereen. De aanpak in deze TED Talk is misschien niet voor jou bedoeld - en dat is oké. Gebruik het als zelfmacht, niet als een regel. Omdat veiligheid voorop staat. Overweeg altijd: Hoe gevaarlijk is de persoon die je pijn heeft gedaan - emotioneel, fysiek of sociaal? Gebruik vergeving niet om je angst te omzeilen. Gebruik het alleen als het voortkomt uit een plaats van waarheid, niet uit druk. Hier is de TED Talk als je er klaar voor bent:
https://www.ted.com/talks/thordis_elva_and_tom_stranger_our_story_of_rape_and_reconciliation
Tips
And you know what’s amazing? When I was watching the news, there was a pandemic of girls being attacked in Rotterdam, and eventually they came up with a plan. They set up stations where girls could get help or charge their phones. I thought: why isn’t this the norm? There’s a problem, and we solve it, becoming a community and helping each other—that really made me smile.
Here are my tips—take them or leave them:
1.Boycott channels that constantly remind you that you are oppressed. It’s very liberating.
2. Shift your perspective to one that empowers you. I don’t see my problems as something that defines me. I see them as experiences many women go through—something relatable—not as proof of oppression.
3.Connect with nature. Put your bare feet on the ground. Ground yourself. Respect your own boundaries—and those of others; that becomes easier when you are grounded.
